When I was younger I always knew I had some sort of anxiety. I always chewed on something whether it was my nails, shirt or hair. (Yes I chewed my hair 😐) But it didn’t get bad until later down the road.
When I was pregnant with my first, my pregnancy was fine I had no problems what so ever. But I also didn’t have to deal with sperm donor. My second pregnancy was awful. I was about half way through my pregnancy when he left. That’s when I started struggling with depression. When he left we were always fighting about something. And every single fight he would tell me “Go die.” He never physically abused me but he was emotionally abusive. The first time he said that is when I started feeling low. Then he would start calling me names and telling me how fat I am. That’s when it really got worse.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. I was driving to my moms house when all the sudden I had this urge of driving off the road and crashing my car. It scared the living hell out of me. That I had to pull over and stop. And that wasn’t the last time I had those thoughts. I went days of crying cause I was so scared of what I would do. So finally I went to the hospital and they diagnosed me with depression. They gave me medicine and put me in outpatient therapy.
After I had my son and he came back into the picture things were good at first. But the days leading up to him leaving my depression started getting worse. This time I was actually self harming. So they upped my dose. A couple months after he left I was getting better, so I thought. I quit taking my medicine and quit going to therapy. Biggest mistake I ever made.
My anxiety went through the roof. I couldn’t sleep because I would have panic attacks that I wouldn’t woke up. It was getting so bad that I would call into work and just stay in bed. So I ended up going back to my psychiatrist. I got back on my depression meds and they put me on anxiety meds. The day I got put on my meds I slept so much better.
My struggles with depression and anxiety was the hardest year of my life. I had so much emotions going through my head I had no idea what to do. But once I finally got help and actually stuck with getting help I feel so much better. But I will never cold turkey quit my meds again.
That’s my depression and anxiety story. Hope you enjoy it and it helps you out if you struggle with it. If you do struggle with it please get help. You will feel so much better about yourself and never forget you always have people who are around that love you. I’m so thankful I had my mom to help me through. Thank you so much for reading and until next time! 😊
Raising My Tribe 